My peg leg squelches through the soft golden sand. “Squawk!” says Polly as she pecks at my leather eye patch. My sharp hook leads me through the vines, slicing them as we walk. The map crinkles as I squeeze it tighter and tighter making my fist go white. Finally Polly yells, “X marks the spot, x marks the spot!” We run until we reach the marked X yelling, “I did it, I did it!” My knees sink into the sand, my hands dig swiftly until I hit something hard. The chest felt heavy like a boulder as I hurled it out of the hole.
By Zanna
What an exciting and captivating story Zanna, one which draws the reader in and encourages them to read on. By using a good range of descriptive vocabulary, you help us feel as though we’re experiencing the adventure with your central character.
Good advice from Maxi, and I’ll offer this suggestion – try starting some sentences with verbs if appropriate e.g. Dropping to my knees which sank into …
Well done and keep rising to the Challenge.
Hi Zanna, I really liked your story. I thought the language was great and it was very descriptive!
What treasure did the pirate dig up?
I enjoyed your story very much and a tip for next time is use synonyms for says and said for example you could say ‘squawked Polly’ instead!