5SK have worked on ‘Show, Don’t Tell’ this week from Seven Steps to Writing Success. They were challenged to ‘show’ a scene or character trait rather than telling the reader.
Cold breeze hits me like smoke from a fire. I walk outside and everything is wet. Big dark clouds cover the sun like a dome trapping us. When will it end?
“Please, HELP ME!” I yell. The hot, red, arid sand burning my feet. I’m hungry, hot, lonely and the only thing I can taste is the dirt ricocheting in and out of my teeth. I imagine I hear rushing water but I know I’m just daydreaming. I have flashbacks of my dear sister Layla, my beloved mother Bethany and my dear dad Tom. I faint face down in the dirt.
I’m out at the reef on a perfect day. Suddenly my rod bends right. I rush to pick it up. It is a big one. I wind it in as hard as I can. I see glimmers of silver. But the line snaps.
WORLD TEACHERS DAY
The smell of the freshly made coconut ice is wafting through the house “YUM” I think to myself. It’s all going away to my teacher, I’m regretting my decision now. I carefully wrap it up in nice clear cellophane and tie a beautiful, rose pink ribbon around it. I get into the car and we approach the school. I feel excitement running through my blood then I get shivers of fear running down my spine. “What if she doesn’t like it,” I think. I hop out of the car. I get to the school gate, turn and wave to my mum and then my shoelace gets caught around the wire. I fall, the coconut ice plummets to the ground. “Why me?”
”Surprise!” as the class jumps out giving the teacher a fright. We all hand our presents to the teacher and it’s almost like an avalanche of flowers and chocolate. The teacher’s smile lifts up like a huge banana. She won’t be able to walk by tomorrow.
CHARLIE – PRINCIPAL FOR THE DAY
The phone rings. It’s for me. I need to go to the principal. The sweat ran down my face as butterflies filled my stomach. The principal wasn’t there. I nervously sat down. The principal walks in, as soon as I see his face I know it’s Charlie. I let out such a scream it shatters the fish tank. I run as fast as I can. Charlie follows with his whip. Running was a big mistake.
Splash went the chlorine filled water. I got ready for my race, I put my goggles on and BANG! I fly through the water doing butterfly. My class is cheering for me. I start to get lower and lower and thoughts filled my mind.
What’s going on?